Let's see, he probably forgot your birthday, or anniversary AGAIN? Or he gave you a gift and it had no personal thought behind it. Or he had to ask your friends for help yet again and still did not manage to get anything done.
If your boyfriend has done any of these things or has let you down too often you need to read on.
Most people might tell you that men don't know how to show the effort the right way. But those countless Instagram proposals and videos are telling you a different story. Men know how to make an effort but the way they show it might be very different from what you have grown to expect.
Sometimes men need a little nudge, a pinch of communication, and a healthy dose of understanding to develop into someone who can deliver better experiences. Here are some things that you can do to make that happen:
Work On Your Communication
Imagine that it's a big holiday, think Christmas and you're looking forward to a thoughtful gift in your stocking. You've thrown around hints for this beautiful handiwork piece that you saw online. Whenever you both are in conversation, you do not fail to bring it up. You've even subtly left pictures of it lying around. Cue the big day and he brings a huge basket for you as a gift. You're excited, but when you open it, it's a bunch of socks with funky patterns and some chocolates.
You might feel extremely unheard and annoyed after receiving such a gift. After all, you threw about so many signs for him to recognize. How could he possibly miss this?
The problem is, that your boyfriend isn't a mind reader. He can't possibly pick up on every single signal that you throw his way. If you weren't saying things outright he probably didn't even realize that you want that particular gift.
If you want that gift in the future it's best to come right out and say it. Make his work easier and yours too. No more Morse code gift ideas and decoding manuals, just simple gifting. Who knows, after getting you the gift you want he may even get you a surprise one.
Now wouldn't that be great!
Pay Attention To The Small Things
Okay, maybe he doesn't do well with big events but does that mean that he truly shines elsewhere?
Maybe he looks after you when you are sick, or he makes sure to do an equal amount of housework with you. He lets you into how he is feeling and makes sure to be with you when you are feeling down. He makes you small cards to tell you how he feels about you and appreciates you daily. These are some of the small details that are even more important than the big whopping events.
Keep a lookout for these signs and start appreciating him even in the small moments.
Your Love Languages May Be Different
According to Dr. Chapman, when we are in relationships we share love through 5 different love languages. They are words of affirmation, quality time spent, physical touch, any acts of service, and getting gifts.
Some people have different elements in their love language. That's the way that they prefer their partners to show them, love. So one simple reason why you might be so bothered by his gifting patterns could be due to your love languages.
If you value gifting and he values words of affirmation, you both might feel disappointed with each other. A simple way to solve this dilemma is by taking the love language test.
Once you figure out each other's love languages it will be easier to show love to one another in the way that they desire most.
Managing Your Expectations And Reactions
You might have heard of this one before, “higher expectations lead to greater disappointment.” This means that if you set your standards way too high you might feel horrible if they aren't met.
That's why it is important to value the good experiences that happen in our everyday lives. The more you begin to find joy in regular experiences, the better you will feel. You can start by being grateful for the smaller things that your man does. This way he too will be happy and pass it on to you.
This doesn't mean that you have to completely give up on high expectations. They are there for a reason and some situations demand having large expectations. But you can avoid the negative fallout of such thoughts by being grateful even if the situation doesn't turn out the way you wanted it to.
Remember To Make A Balanced Effort
Don't forget that a relationship is like balancing on a trapeze wire. The people in the relationship are like the balancing sticks that the trapeze artists have. If even one part of the stick is heavy it can cause the person to fall.
This type of balancing act is important throughout the relationship. You cannot be the only one putting in effort or the only one not making a move.
If it's just one person carrying the entire weight of gratitude giving, then something's got to change. So make sure that your relationship is balanced. Give gifts and experiences just as much as you get.
This will make for a truly happy and satisfied pair in the long run.
It hurts when someone you care about lets you down. But by taking these steps you can make sure that you do not feel such disappointment again. A healthy dose of communication and some balance in the relationship will do wonders for these feelings!