We all know that men like to hunt. They don’t chase if you don’t run. It’s important to play hard to get, keep the man on his toes and not let him know that you are interested. This is standard dating advice. Probably both your mother and your grandmother practiced it and for all you know, it actually worked. But that was generations ago! What about now? Has anything changed?
Giving Men a Break
Today men are tired of always having to pursue women. Match.com carried out an annual survey titled Singles in America and found that 91 percent men feel more comfortable being asked out by women and approximately 65 percent men have actually been asked out first. Another study of college-going men found that 72 percent wish their female counterparts would initiate sex more often. They are tired of being the one to always express desire. Today they themselves want to be the objects of desire. With changing times, the equation between men and women seems to have undergone a transformation as well.
The #MeToo movement of the last two decades has made it all the more important for women to make the first move. A lot of men appear to hold back these days because they don’t want to be misunderstood for presuming she is interested when she’s actually not. For most men, it’s a relief when a woman is forthright about being interested in him. As a matter of fact, there exists a whole genre of dating literature that educates men on how to turn the table on women so they are the ones being pursued for a change. That’s right, men want to be pursued as well!
Hard Facts about Desire
Does a man feel emasculated when a woman is bold? We may have been conditioned to believe that but in reality, it doesn’t align with the hard facts we know about desire. Have you ever been on a date where both of you are being so careful not to act overly interested in the other that the whole experience falls flat? If he doesn’t get a sign you like him, he’s probably not going to see you again. What science teaches us is that people like people who like them back. Liking a man is the easiest way to get him to feel more attracted towards you. In a way, your desire for him permits him to feel his desire for you.
Rejection Doesn’t Necessarily Mean You’re Doing It Wrong
But maybe you’ve experienced otherwise? Maybe you expressed your liking for a guy and he made a run for it. That must have hurt a lot! But try to think of it differently. As women continue to march forward as agents of desire rather than objects of desire, they are going to have to face the inconvenient truths of life – the kind that men have been dealing with for hundreds and thousands of years!
When you make the first move, you inevitably stand the risk of rejection. Men face rejection a lot more than we give them credit for. Womenfolk have been protected from that by choosing to sit back and relax while men do all the work. In a few ways, rejection seems harder for women than men. It takes us back to the age-old debate on femininity where society at large expects women to be people-pleasers – it is the job of the woman to make everyone happy so women are conditioned that way. When a man rejects a woman, suggesting he doesn’t want her to make him happy, it stings bad!
But maybe we need to get a hang of what men learnt a long time ago – that it’s alright if you’re not everyone’s cup of tea. You don’t have to go out and attract every man you see, you just have to run your magic on the right one. Pass on the man that has to be convinced of you and stick with the one that clicks with you. It’s easy! Not that it’s your job to hunt for the right guy but if you spot him before he spots you, don’t be foolish to sit on your hands and risk losing him for good.