First dates are tough and can put a lot of pressure on both parties. It almost feels like a ticking time bomb. Where does the red wire lead? What does the green wire do? You just know that you have to tread carefully.
Either you may step on a landmine by asking a question about their ex, or you might be bored to death with no questions coming to mind.
It doesn't help that everyone seems to use the same copy-pasted Google questions for every first date. So much that you probably know the answers by heart and can rattle them off in your sleep.
When you are preparing some good questions for your first date you'll want to avoid being too cheesy. Let's leave that to the fondue. You don't want to be overly cerebral and have them slyly checking Urban Dictionary when you’re in the bathroom. The best thing you can do on a first date is to ask them genuine questions.
Things that can make them think and lead you to learn a bit more about your date. This might seem like a tough thing to do but you don't have to create anything from scratch.
Before you get started, it's important to know what not to do. Steer clear from these traps:
This Isn't A Job Interview And You Aren't An Interviewer
There's nothing that dampens one's interest faster than asking where they see themselves in 5 years. You're aren't here to ask salary prospects or boring questions about them.
This can kill the vibe of the dates faster than garlic can ruin your breath. Plus such questions might make the date seem more like a transaction than a fun event.
Don't Wade Directly Into The Waves
The quickest way to whip up a storm is to stir up the drama with terrible questions. Ask them about their exes, the trauma in their childhood, or the way their favorite pet died. The worst date in history has probably hit all three of these checkboxes.
Scraping The Surface
If a first date isn't about going too deep into their mind, it is also not about just cruising on the surface.
If you go into a date just speaking about movies, shows, or their favorite perfume it's guaranteed to leave your date feeling ‘blah.’ Research has also shown that having deeper conversations can improve your wellbeing. Leave the shallow talk kind of fluff for your throw pillows. Start with something more interesting and intuitive.
So Where To Begin?
Create A Deeper Picture Of Him
Do you know about those 3D pictures where if you look carefully you can see an interesting hidden image? Asking good questions on a date can make it feel just like that picture. You want to go deep enough in his mind to learn new things about him. Here are some of the questions that will hit that sweet spot.
- What is one thing about yourself that you will never change for anyone?
- Which value of yours is the strongest?
- What truly makes you happy?
- What motivates you to wake up each day?
Questions like this will help you to skip the bullshit and get to their values, likes, and dislikes. It is not too deep to make them feel uncomfortable or weird. It is the Goldilocks porridge of first date questions.
Learn About His Motivations
When people are motivated they have so much energy within them. A person who speaks about their passions usually has a fire burning within their eyes. That's the kind of feeling that you have to bring to a first date. If you can do that it will bring about a positive and strong feeling to the entire space. Here are some of the questions to stoke this fire:
- What is one thing you are passionate about that most people aren't aware of?
- What thing would you keep doing even if it didn't pay any money?
- What do you like to do for fun that doesn't have any purpose?
By asking these questions you are getting him into a self-reflective zone. You will begin to see what drives him and what he stands for. This is a powerful conversation that can help you decide whether you both are compatible or not.
Where Will The Future Take You?
Another thing about first dates is that there should be a good back and forth between both parties. If only one person is asking questions it is indicative of how the relationship will look in the future.
You don't want to be the only person preparing and delivering these zinger questions. Some should be given back from his side as well.
So make sure to pay attention to his level of interest during the conversation. Is he taking a similar interest in you, asking you interesting questions, or genuinely hearing what you have to say?
It is also important to get an idea of what is important to him now. Learn about what he is expecting from his future. You can ask these simple questions to get him started:
- What does your ideal life look like?
- What are some puzzle pieces that you're looking for to complete your life?
- What are some questions you would like to ask me?
These are just a few questions to make your first date spectacular! Now that you have a better idea of what to ask you can make your zesty questions and spice up that first date experience.