So you want your ex back, but you’re not sure how to get your ex back? No worries. Despite what your family may be saying or what your best friend wants, you are not alone in feeling this way.
In fact, lots of people, both men and women, fight to get back with their exes. You aren’t the only one looking for ways to get back with your ex. There are a few things to remember first:
· Don’t listen to what anyone else says. If you are sure that you want your ex back and feel that the relationship is worth fighting for, the first thing you need to determine is that you are not going to listen to the naysayers. Asking for advice is fine, but don’t let anyone’s opinion distract you from your goals.
· Not all breakups are permanent. When a couple breaks up, well-meaning friends and family are often quick to point out all of the reasons why they “knew it would never work.” This is not always true. Many happy couples have gone through breakups and gotten back together only to come out stronger and more dedicated to each other.
· You can’t smother your ex! I know that this one is hard, but it is probably the most important thing to remember. Sometimes a breakup happens just because one party in the relationship needs space, and if you smother that person, you are more likely to make the breakup a permanent one. Give him the space to miss you.
Now that we have gone over a few important things to remember about getting your ex back, let’s take a look at how easy it can be to get your ex back in just a few easy steps.
Step 1: Give Your Ex Space
As mentioned above, your breakup is much more likely to be a permanent situation if you cannot back off of your ex and give him the space to miss you. You cannot miss someone if they won’t go away. It is important to remember that:
· Back Off - You may think that you are showing someone how much you love them by not giving up, but if you are constantly trying to get your ex’s attention or tell them how much you miss them, it will feel much more like nagging and much less like loving.
· No Contact - Backing off does not just mean that you are no longer living together or going out. When someone needs space the best thing that you can do is give him or her all of the space in the world. Do not call. Do not text.
· No "Hints" - Do not send emails. Don’t call up his best friend just to talk about how much you miss him. And for goodness sake, whatever you do, don’t post passive-aggressive posts on social media just hoping they will see it.
· Do Not Rush It - Spend at least 30 days on this step. I know, 30 days without hearing from him is so hard! This step is so important, though. For some, it may take even longer to be ready to hear from him without trying to convince him to get back together, but for most, it will take at least 30 days.
Another important reason for this step is that you probably need space, too. What you should do is work on yourself, get a sexy new outfit, go out with your friends, and have a blast… which brings us to our next step.
Step 2: Take Care of You
Taking care of yourself during this breakup is a vitally important part of getting your ex back. So many movies show a woman sobbing in bed while watching romance movies and eating buckets of ice cream, but think:
What guy is really going to be turned on by that?
Do you know any men who have a thing for girls in sweatsuits with their makeup smeared from sobbing that hasn’t showered in days? If you do, run from them!
So as you can see, taking care of yourself is important if you want him to come back. Here are a few ways that you can practice self-care during this breakup.
1. Sleep is Important – Lack of sleep is more likely to make you act crazy during a breakup than almost any other issue. When the body doesn’t get enough sleep, it can wreak havoc on your emotions, your thought processes, and your physical health.
2. Eat Healthily – This does not mean to starve yourself or go on a weird diet. Losing 10 pounds won’t bring back your ex. Having healthy hair, and skin and feeling good could make you more desirable to an ex, but more importantly, it will make you feel better about yourself.
3. Move Your Body – As we said, sitting around all day moping over your lost love is not likely to bring him back. Get up, get outside and move your body. If you are extroverted, you might try a yoga or Pilates class. Introverts might opt for walking in a safe location or using a treadmill at home.
4. Get a Pet – Some people may choose cats or another animal, but dogs are wonderful for helping you heal your heart. Dogs love unconditionally, they require walks, which will force you to get outside and exercise, and they are great snuggle-buddies.
5. Dress up and Go Out – Don’t stop dressing up, getting mani-pedis, and doing your makeup just because he is gone. Get yourself a sexy outfit, get all dolled up, grab some friends and hit the dance floor… or maybe even take a weekend trip! Oh, and do post on social media so he’s sure to see how great you’re doing without him.
Again, it is good to spend at least a month on yourself, getting to know you again and pampering the you that has been neglected. She probably needs your love right now and will flourish with some self-care.
Step 3: Free Your Mind
Once you have given him a little space, given yourself a lot of space, and worked on ways to improve your own health and happiness, you can start to free your mind.
If you desperately want your ex back immediately after a breakup, there are likely a million thoughts going on in your mind, and not all of them sound very sane, now do they?
Round and round, over and over in your head you may hear, “Does he miss me? Does he still love me? Did he ever love me? I have to get him back. I have to hurry because he will find someone else. What if he already has someone else? How can I make it without him?”
You have to remember:
· There is no way to read his mind or know what he is thinking. That is why your focus has to change to yourself for now.
· You cannot keep looking at his social media. If you cannot block him, get off of the internet altogether and give your mind a rest.
· Don’t listen to your friends and family if they try to tell you what he is thinking. They don’t know, either. Chances are that he isn’t even sure how he feels right now.
· Forcing someone to love you or changing their free will is impossible. No spell, no pity party, no insane displays of love will ever change someone’s heart.
· Obsessing over him is more likely to push him away than bring him closer.
You have to break your focus off of him while you give each other space and work on healing you. The truth is, if you cannot move your focus to something besides getting him back, then it has become an obsession, which is a strong indicator that you are not ready to be in a relationship just yet.
Keep working on yourself and giving him space until you can actually accomplish step 3.
Step 4: Renew Old Friendships
Many of us tend to lose contact with friends when we are in a relationship. While this is not always the case, it is quite common for our focus to move to the man of our dreams as we spend more and more time with him and less with our friends.
The wonderful thing about friends is that they can be very forgiving. Here are a few ways to get back in the fold:
1. Call for a girl’s night. You could call up your old group of friends and see if they are up for a girl’s night out. Meet up with them at your favorite club and have a great time dressing up and getting out.
2. Invite one or 2 over for drinks. You might be more comfortable with a quieter setting at first so that you can tell your friends about the breakup and share what happened. Let them know that you aren’t asking for advice right now, you just wanted to catch up.
3. Don’t tell them your intentions. If you don’t want to push your friends away, you might decide it is best not to tell them that you are planning on getting your ex back. Well-meaning friends may think that this is a bad idea and cause friction between you by not supporting your choice. Save that info for your bestie only.
4. Don’t use them. Although reconnecting with old friends is good, using them as a crutch to get through this breakup is not. If you decide to hang out with your old friends again, you have to determine that you will keep that friendship alive, even if you do get him back!
Now that you’ve got your head on straight, taken some time for self-care, spent time with friends, and gotten plenty of sleep, it is time for the last step…
Step 5: Go On Dates!
Yes. You read that right. It is time to get yourself back out there. Even if you have gone through all of the first 4 steps and still want to get back together with your ex, you need to get back out there in the dating scene.
· Hit a few clubs or other places where you can meet singles.
· Stop saying no to every guy who asks you out. Get out and enjoy a nice dinner or a fun date.
· Keep it casual if you want. It is okay if you still feel like your heart belongs to your ex. You can go out with other guys just as friends and keep it casual.
· Sex is not required! You do not have to have sex with someone just because he took you to dinner, and if he makes you feel otherwise, you probably shouldn’t date him again.
Those are five important steps to getting your ex back after a breakup. Chances are, once he sees that you are doing great without him, looking sexier and healthier, having fun with friends, and even dating other guys, he will rethink his decision to let you go.
Even if this is not the case, you will be a healthier and happier version of you, which is still a great thing. You might even realize that you do not even want him back!
The wonderful thing about these steps is that even if they don’t work, they still do!