Men always say they can’t understand women, and that women are so complicated. Well, for many women, it is the exact opposite. Most would give anything to understand what makes men “tick.” Even though women want to know what he’s thinking, men are often reluctant to share what is in their hearts. What’s a woman to do?
Rather than describe all the differences between the sexes, it is often more helpful to focus on a few areas that any woman can understand.
- Men are more sensitive than women. While that might sound silly, the truth is that men don’t have the ability to recover from emotional trauma as effectively as a woman. Because of this, men keep themselves from getting too upset. When a man hears he should just “let his feelings out,” what he translates that into is this, “If I let my feelings out, I might not be able to control them.”
- Men hate fighting. For men, conflict is not simply resolving a problem. Fighting, to a man, means one has to win and the other needs to be totally defeated. Men often prefer conflict that is non-emotional because it is less threatening to them. Once a conflict becomes emotionally charged, it is very difficult for a man to contain those feelings and the most frequent coping skill is for them to become quiet. It may seem like they are punishing you, but they are most likely trying not to lose control.
- Men want to get married. In spite of what many progressive cultures preach, the truth is that a majority of men in the world do get married. While the freedom of being single has its appeal, it comes with one primary drawback – it is lonely. While this might not sound overly romantic, finding a woman that a man can trust is just as important as finding one who is beautiful.
When it Comes to Men, Some Women Have It...and You Can Too!
Every day in my counseling office, I hear women say some variation of this:
“In the last few years, I have had relationships with men who, at first, seemed perfect for me. They were attentive, attractive and fun to be around. Then suddenly, as if they knew they had reeled me in, they stopped trying. They stopped calling as much, stopped taking me out and basically stopped the romantic dance that couples do when they are falling in love. Was it me? After all, I think I’m attractive, have a good personality and I work out to keep my body in nice shape. So why then, do I always end up with the men who become “couch potatoes” at my house? The men who would rather bring a six pack over and watch football all day and then expect me to fix dinner? Do I suddenly turn into just a “buddy” to them, the girl next door?
“Why Do Some Women Always Date Losers?”
Do you know of someone who has a pattern of always dating losers, bad boys, who always break their heart and leave them crying? For those women, oftentimes they need help in identifying the signs of such unreliable men.
Let’s define a loser as a man who is totally into himself and has little empathy for a woman’s needs. He is a man who has a pattern of sweet talking women in an attempt to sweep them off their feet and into the nearest bed. He will wine you and dine you and tell you how beautiful you are and how lucky he is to have met you. These men are very good at what they do because they’ve had a lot of practice!
These men are wonderful in the beginning of a relationship; however, in time they most always become less attached and more distant to their partner. Some never call back, others break dates and some even “forget” their wallet and their date ends up paying for the meal.
Have you ever met or dated a man such as this? Perhaps he never said he loved you, and whenever you spoke about commitment, he would change the subject.
The truth is that no woman ever wakes up in the morning and says to herself, “Today I need to find a man who will hurt me.” Rather what most often happens is that many women (and men) tend to confuse intensity with reliability. They meet someone who makes them FEEL wonderful or excited and they assume that he is a good man. The problem isn’t that their feelings are wrong. What gets them into trouble is that their intense feelings often cause them to ignore bad or inconsistent behavior that they would clearly see if they were not so emotionally involved.
I see other women who, frankly, are not as attractive as I am or as thin as I am, who seem to get the “hot” men. I don’t necessarily mean gorgeous men, but the men who take them to nice restaurants, bring them flowers, take them dancing and, basically, “court” them. What secrets do they know that I don’t, because they certainly aren’t sharing them?”
Most women think a wonderful relationship is simply about finding the right man. The truth is that those women who have wonderful relationships didn’t necessarily know where to find good men, instead they attracted them. Would you like to learn how to attract and keep a wonderful man? The best way to find out probably isn’t by talking to a woman; instead, a man would be able to give you the secrets to a man’s heart.
“What Am I Doing Wrong”?
Have you ever said this to yourself, “It seems I can’t do anything right with men.”
Being a responsible person, you work hard at a fulfilling and sometimes demanding job. It’s not that you don’t try to be kind, gracious and patient, but none of that seems to be getting you anywhere. Perhaps the men you date don’t seem to appreciate you or if you’re married it might seem as though your husband seems less interested in your marriage than he did not so long ago.
You’re open to advice, but where should you turn?
If you can relate to this, there is good news. A wonderful book called, “The Woman Men Adore…and Never Want to Leave,” will show you exactly the characteristics that men find irresistible in a woman. The good news is that these are things that ANY woman can apply. But there is one word of warning. These insights are powerful and might seem unconventional to a woman because they were designed by a man, to affect men. Please remember this rule: What works with women does not work with men.
Many women have come to this realization when they say these things, “The more I try to please him, the more distant he seems to become.”
“When I ask him what’s wrong, he says nothing.”
If you’re a woman who feels frustrated in her relationships, there is good news. You don’t have to try harder, you simply need to know WHAT to try.