You’ve been on the online dating sphere for a while, and have finally matched with someone who doesn't seem that attracted or attentive to you. Over time, your conversations have taken a sexual turn- yes, we’re talking about the old devil’s tango. So one fine night, he suddenly texts you asking you if you’d like to “come over”?
What do you do?
Do you say yes? Immediately? He is attractive though. But what about your integrity? You can’t just give in to a guy so easily, right?
On the other hand, what if the guy thinks you’re a prude and stops showing interest in you?
You would think that’s the only thing you need to worry about. But, there’s another factor that only a few people at the Kwantlen Polytechnic University’s Observation and Research in Sexuality and Gender Matters Lab have taken into account.
First, let’s think about how these dating apps work, right? The choices that you are offered are based on three basic characteristics- visuals, location, and age. Now, this is where it gets tricky.
The thing is, the traits mentioned above have basically nothing to do with who you are as a human being. Nothing of your personality is mentioned, apart from the brief self-description that you give in the bio. So really, you’re being chosen for the convenience you present. Not because of the person you are.
Also, a picture might not do complete justice to your appearance. You might look younger than you actually are. And you might be willing to go the extra mile (literally) to be with someone you actually like. But, the way the app's algorithm is designed would curb your chances of getting picked.
There is another way in which technology may be hampering your chances at love, and that is by busting the urgency principle.
What is The Urgency Principle?
Remember the situation we gave you in the beginning? Well, this same situation was presented before a group of men in a research study. However, there was one catch.
The first group of men received the proposal on a phone that had a 100 percent battery.
The second group thought about their options with a phone that had a 20 percent battery.
And the third group had to arrive at a decision with their phone battery at 5 percent.
As a result, research has discovered that the third group of men were the ones who agreed to the proposal almost immediately.
This is what is known as the urgency principle in the world of marketing strategies. When people are given an offer for a short span of time only, after which it will be rendered invalid, the people are most likely to agree to the proposal.
So, how can you this principle to get a guy to choose you?
Men on dating apps are overwhelmed with different options. They don’t like committing to a single woman because they don’t need to- why would they when they have so many choices at their fingertips? A guy may like you, but may not make a move at all- what if a better option walked around the corner?
This is where the urgency principle can come in handy. If a guy likes you- like genuinely likes you- and you only give him a limited window of time to make a move on you, he might make it. That's the only way in which you can actually make a guy commit to you - by using the power of psychology- that's got to be the coolest thing ever!
Now that you know how the urgency principle can work for you, let’s look at how you can put it into action. We mean, if you don’t want to make him a direct proposal of any kind, that is. Subtlety is an appreciable virtue.
How to use the urgency principle on someone you like?
1. Set a time limit on how long you’re available
How do you limit your availability on a dating app? By letting the person you're talking to know that you're only going to be on the app for a few days, after which you plan to delete it for good. You could add it to your bio too, for general knowledge. That way, if a guy is interested in you, then they would be aware that they only have a short period to let you know that they like you. Even if they aren’t completely upfront about it, they could ask for your number or other social media information, which would give you the hint you need.
2. Don’t stop meeting other people
You’re on a dating app to meet new people, right? So why stop at one, especially if he is not exclusive with you either. Let your prospective other know that you’re meeting new people, to make him realize that he does not have an exclusive claim over you. Another advantage of this is that it can apart from a tinge of jealousy in him, which can motivate him to make his ultimate move on you even quicker. Also, if you see that he’s not making any moves at all, you would know that he’s not interested, and could move in with someone else.
3. If none of this works, just end it
You’ve done all the dances and jumped all the ropes. You’ve used the urgency principle, and have let him know, almost explicitly sometimes, that you’re only in the dating game for a short amount of time.
But none of it has worked. He hasn't shown an ounce of interest in trying to make the two of you exclusive.
If that’s the case, end it, girl. You need to save your time and energy for someone you actually love, and not waste it on someone who does not want a serious commitment. In the end, it is up to you to use the urgency principle to your benefit and reap the best results from it.