Why Chasing Commitment Backfires (And What Works BETTER)

Why Chasing Commitment Backfires (And What Works BETTER)

. 4 min read

Honesty and commitment are the two most important pillars in any relationship. In the initial phase attraction and charm plays an important role. But don’t we all want to know the secrets of having a long, loving and healthy relationship? As time passes and relationships seek stability, commitment and loyalty become crucial. They form the very base of the relationship that makes the foundation strong.

Wondering how commitment works?

Well, imagine finally meeting the partner of your dreams who you have so long only imagined.

What is the first thing that would come to your mind? How can you two be together forever, yes?

The crush that was till now was a fleeting emotion now starts dreaming of becoming forever. We immediately want to plan our future together and make it last forever. This kind of commitment is the security that we all seek. It gives your relationship a shape by providing a goal to move forward to.

A relationship without commitment might empty and incomplete. If we sense that a relationship is not working out because the needed commitment is not there, then we hesitate to put in efforts to it anymore. Such a relationship seems like a waste of energy and effort.

Commitment makes a relationship more meaningful. If two people are committed and loyal they can nurture the relationship properly and it blooms over time.  A healthy relationship that is free of unnecessary jealousy and negativity, needs two individuals who add value to each others' lives.

Commitment brings peace to the relationship and it is also reflected in a person’s behaviour. When people have peace in their personal life, their brain is also in a healthy state. And this positivity of their character influences other people as well.

A relationship should be spontaneous and natural. If you have to force anything or push your partners to make the relationship work, then you might have to change your approach.

Does your partner’s change in behavior leave you wondering what went wrong?

The answer just might be too obvious to notice for you. Sometimes the very commitment that makes the relation long-lasting and strong might be the reason behind its destruction. And it's not actually commitment, it's when you start chasing commitment, is when things start taking a turn for the worse.

Chasing happiness

We all want to feel secure in our relationship. This is the reason we continuously seek reassurance from our partners. Sometimes we are so busy chasing commitment and happiness to form a lifetime bond that we miss out the small and significant moments in our lives. In the urge of having a perfect future, we tend to ignore the present that actually helps us build our future.

This constant chasing of commitment in one partner may leave the other one ignored and scared. They might find it unnatural and forceful. Such a relationship is far from perfect and it is the last thing we desire. Something which is forced can never withstand the long run.

Hurried decisions

The constant fear of losing your man makes you an over-thinker. You live under constant fear and the only thought that lingers your mind is how to make him commit. This fear drives you to exaggerate situations and procrastinate. You are always in a hurry to think and plan the future and ultimately take many wrong decisions.

Compatibility issues

Worrying too much about the future makes you want to take the next step as soon as possible to secure the future. But before making a huge change in your life, you have to be sure that the decision is taken with the mutual consent of your partner. Being pushy in a relationship about commitments does not only make someone seem desperate but also is a great deal-breaker. It enhances compatibility issues and pushes partners away. Commitment comes from within naturally after spending considerable time together.

Missing out all the fun

If in a relationship all you can think about is how you make convince your partner to commit, then it is probably not going in the right direction. While putting the focus on commitment, you miss out on the very essence of the relationship. Every relationship has a flavor of its own and many memories to cherish, so make every moment count. Do not settle for a stable future and let go of what you can get right now.

More concentration on the relationship

Nothing is valuable than the relationship itself. Not even commitment. If you focus on improving your relationship with your partner instead of only compelling them to make promises of a better future, the relation becomes fulfilling and satisfying.

In the early phase of the relationship, partners enjoy each other's company and prioritize each other's needs. But if this concern about each other turns into a one-sided demand of commitment, then it causes nothing but harm to the relationship. Invest your time and energy in finding out ways to make your partner feel special and not scared to commit. Find out creative ways to tell them how much you love them and appreciate their presence and the relationship will find stability slowly over time as it matures and becomes meaningful.


When two people are sincerely in love, some kind of expectation grows naturally. If this expectation becomes overwhelming and demanding it ultimately poses as a threat to the relationship itself. We end up expecting more time and effort from our partners. The demand for commitment in a relationship should not be so strong that it becomes a dominating character trait. The image of a perfect partner and life-long companionships blurs our vision and thoughts. It becomes hard for us to accept our partners as they are and their shortcomings. We end up interfering with their lives and personal space. The relationship becomes claustrophobic and difficult to carry on in the long run.

Final words

Relationships, whether they are a lifetime affair or just a year-long, must be meaningful. They should not be judged by how many years two people spend together but how many happy memories they have together. So instead of finding ways to be happy, try to seize the opportunities and moments that come your way. Be effortless and spontaneous, do what your heart says and happiness will find you. Do not miss out the little joys of life chasing commitment, stability and forever.

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